I look at me, and am not pleased with what I see
For I am not who I thought I’d be.
Who is this stranger, living in my soul?
I had but one desire, one important goal.
To live just for my Jesus and daily seek His face
While bathing in the wonder of God’s redeeming grace.
Yes, I long to serve my Father, yet I find I often stray
Not sure how it happens, I just keep getting in the way.
Deep yearnings and desires, raw passions from within
Rise up and overwhelm me. Seems a battle I can’t win.
My passions then turn inward, as pride begins to crowd
And soon those deep, dark places have voices screaming loud.
What is it I was thinking? What did I hope to gain?
The verdict came out guilty. Now ache has turned to pain.
How can I face tomorrow? My accusers, they are gone.
Yet looking in the mirror, I see there still is one.
My plight keeps growing deeper, only I am left to blame
I’m sure I can’t start over, so I hang my head in shame.
My heart’s ache just keeps growing as false desires remain
Is my life still worth the living, with these pieces to maintain?
Empty places, hollow longings – should drive me closer to my Father
Still these senseless, selfish pursuits, keep me drinking cistern water
Father-God, You say You love me, You say that you’ll forgive –
Can You really take my struggles and make me want to live?
You’ve given me my life, O God, a gift right from the start
I know that I can’t give it up ‘cause I can’t kill my heart.
This heart I’ve bruised and broken still aches with wordless longing
For those places that need filling, in this heart, to You belonging.
I know this God is bigger, and deeper than my fears
For He sees me as He made me, while I hide behind my tears.
The Word it says His gifts and call, are irrevocable
What an impact this has had, upon my starving soul.
Redemptive balm, a pouring forth, of Father’s fervent love
To let me know, with grace untold, my Jesus is enough.
Enough to take my sins and treat them, not as I deserve
But fling them far as east from west, then free my heart to serve.
Father-God as my Pursuer, watching my lost wanderings
Sees the depths of my desires, hears my heart’s deep ponderings.
Still difficult to comprehend, that He made me for His pleasure
Far beyond my understanding that to Him I am a treasure
I know my gracious Father, can still desires I can’t diminish
I must trust that on the other side, my heart’s filling will be finished.
Written April 2001
Copyright © 2021 by Terri Art