Just how could Mom and Dad be so happy
When my temper flared and was ready to burst?
Oh, where in this house can I find some privacy?
A girl does need privacy to think
But there are so many other running around- –
The kids won’t listen to a word I say
Oh, why should I bother anyway?
Why did I have to be the oldest girl?
I felt like running a hundred miles away!
Why couldn’t I have a sister to talk to?
Oh GOD, why did you take Emmilie away?
Things would have been different had she lived
I wasn’t meant to be the oldest
To have so many responsibilities
I hear it every way I turn,
Theresa, wash the dishes,
Theresa, bathe the little ones,
Theresa, sweep the floor,
Theresa, clean the basement,
Theresa, weed the garden,
Theresa, change the baby’s diapers,
Theresa, do this,
Theresa, do that,
Oh! I could scream!
I was so bitter
Why doesn’t somebody, anybody, everybody
Stop telling me what to do?
Stay in the house this afternoon,
And finish cleaning it.
The boys went fishing
They’re playing baseball
They went swimming…
UGH!!!
The boys went roller skating,
The boys this, the boys that!
No! You can’t go outside after dark, you’re a girl!
Why did I have to be born a girl?
What was the sense in being a girl
If I didn’t have another girl to talk to?
I had problems too,
Even if they seemed small to other people
They were real, big, mountain-sized ones to me!
NO! I don’t want to go to church this afternoon
Everybody thinks I’m a real goody-goody
Well I wish everybody knew I’m not!
If only they knew what all I’d pulled
Behind my parents back!
Why did we have to be so poor?
Why can’t I have what other girls have?
Do what other girls do?
Why me?
I was so torn, mixed-up, confused,
The most unhappiest person in the whole wide world!
Until the day that I met Jesus!
July 5th, 1972, I was at Lake Simcoe.
There for the first time in my entire life
I met JESUS CHRIST, face to face
He showed me how my life had been.
I was so ashamed when I saw it there
Beside the Savior’s bright, shining face
It looked so miserable and out-of-place.
How bitter I had been toward God
Toward Mom and Dad.
How I must have hurt them so
But I was too proud to cry.
They sang about my rotten life
And told me how to change it
Suddenly, I felt so weak
So helpless and so small!
God took me in His POWERFUL HAND
And shook away my pride
Satan’s bonds on me at last were loosed!
I cried and cried and cried
People thought I was crazy
I’d never cried like that before,
But I wasn’t crazy
Not anymore
My hard heart had been softened
I’d finally come to a realization,
Something I’d been told many times before,
I need JESUS!
I couldn’t deny it anymore
That night I asked the Lord
To come into my heart
And take over my life
And lead and guide it
According to His will
He gave to me
PEACE!
It is a gift so beautiful, so tranquil
You feel as though you are in love with everyone!
I knew Mom and Dad had it
It was their inner joy
The reason for their peace!
At home and church
I felt as though I were loved by everyone!
And to my amazement found
That I could love them in return!
It is so wonderful when they come up
And kiss me and say, “GOD bless you, Sister!”
Sister? I have so many Sisters now!
It is such a beautiful life!
Don’t get me wrong
The old, rebellious, temperamental ‘me’ does creep in
But JESUS is always beside me
He gives me patience, courage,
Strength and grace to endure
And helps me to do all that’s expected of me
He is my Joy, my Life, my All
My Guardian, Shepherd of my soul
I care no more for earthly things
To have what others have
For now I have JESUS
I want to live only for Him
For with Him I am
At PEACE with GOD
At PEACE with others
At PEACE with myself.
Written February 1974
Copyright © 2021 by Terri Art